Gardener’s World
ALEX No time like the present. Act on instinct, that’s me.
BEATY Oh no, not your instinct again!
ALEX Warm day, sap rising – good time to get out and do it.
BEATY It?
ALEX I so love a dense bush.
BEATY Are you being naughty?
ALEX Vigour, darling. Vigour. How does one stimulate vigour?
BEATY In spring ? Hard to say, knowing how vigorous you are the year round.
ALEX Now who’s being naughty?
BEATY You started it.
ALEX I did not.
BEATY Everything gets back to sex with you.
ALEX That’s not a complaint?
BEATY An observation.
ALEX Well, …(BEAT) This activity is strictly asexual. (BEAT) I can see the disappointment in your eyes.
BEATY What are we doing then?
ALEX Pruning.
BEATY Ah, dangerous work!
ALEX You mustn’t be afraid of small pricks.
BEATY Was I ever?
ALEX I’m surely the last man you should ask.
BEATY Your modesty is overwhelming.
ALEX We need to discipline our ramblers…..
BEATY Well, if it comes down to discipline, Alex – you’re the man.
ALEX …and multiply our new buds.
BEATY I walked into that, didn’t I? You’re so sharp – you won’t need secateurs.
ALEX “S e c a t e u r s” – Oh, say that again, Beaty, whilst I moisten my lips.
T H E E N D