Your Order (by Gwilym Scourfield)

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Waiter      

Thirty-Nine, … Thirty-nine out there? Low-fat cheese, lettuce and  watercress on wafer….Thirty-nine! …(ASIDE TO  WAITRESS) Who  ordered this?

Waitress         

Slim, blonde; in maroon Versaachi suit. Came in with elegant, bearded  man in grey pin-stripe.

Waiter            

Come on Thirty-nine! We know you’re out there. Skinny woman with red power-dress kit. Sitting with razor-challenged   fella, old enough to be your father. Thirty seconds … ten seconds… Ok!   Back it goes to the  kitchen!

PAUSE

Waiter            

Forty! Forty: Mushroom Pizza and chips.  Jesus, where is everyone  tonight? … We are busy, you know!…(ASIDE TO WAITRESS) Who?

Waitress         

Well-built Afro-Carribean gentleman in a pale blue football sweatshirt.

Waiter            

Last call, Forty, I don’t have all night! Paging a fat, black guy in a Chelsea shirt. Chelsea! You’re kidding, aren’t you! Abramovich  – all  mouth and millions! BEAT)  Do you know how many calories .. in this stuff? Should you be eating this?  Too bad, Fatty – Back it goes!

PAUSE

Waiter            

Forty-one! Forty-one!

 

 

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