Gardener’s World (by Gwilym Scourfield)


Gardener’s World



ALEX             No time like the present. Act on instinct, that’s me.


BEATY           Oh no, not your instinct again!


ALEX             Warm day, sap rising – good time to get out and do it.


BEATY           It?


ALEX             I so love a dense bush.


BEATY           Are you being naughty?


ALEX             Vigour, darling. Vigour. How does one stimulate vigour?


BEATY           In spring ? Hard to say, knowing how vigorous you are the year round.


ALEX             Now who’s being naughty?


BEATY           You started it.


ALEX             I did not.


BEATY           Everything gets back to sex with you.


ALEX             That’s not a complaint?


BEATY           An observation.


ALEX             Well, …(BEAT) This activity is strictly asexual. (BEAT) I can see the                                 disappointment in your eyes.


BEATY           What are we doing then?


ALEX             Pruning.


BEATY           Ah, dangerous work!


ALEX             You mustn’t be afraid of small pricks.


BEATY           Was I ever?


ALEX             I’m surely the last man you should ask.


BEATY           Your modesty is overwhelming.


ALEX             We need to discipline our ramblers…..


BEATY           Well, if it comes down to discipline, Alex – you’re the man.


ALEX             …and multiply our new buds.


BEATY           I walked into that, didn’t I? You’re so sharp – you won’t need secateurs.


ALEX             “S e c a t e u r s” – Oh, say that again, Beaty, whilst I moisten my lips.




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