Your Order (by Gwilym Scourfield)

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Your Order

  • Waiter Thirty-Nine, … Thirty-nine out there? Low-fat cheese, lettuce and watercress on wafer….Thirty-nine! …(ASIDE TO WAITRESS) Who ordered this? Waitress Slim, blonde; in maroon Versaachi suit. Came in with elegant, bearded man in grey pin-stripe.
  • Waiter Come on Thirty-nine! We know you’re out there. Skinny woman with red power-dress kit. Sitting with razor-challenged fella, old enough to be your father. Thirty seconds … ten seconds… Ok! Back it goes to the kitchen!
  • PAUSE
  • Waiter Forty! Forty: Mushroom Pizza and chips. Jesus, where is everyone tonight? … We are busy, you know!…(ASIDE TO WAITRESS) Who?
  • Waitress Well-built Afro-Carribean gentleman in a pale blue football sweatshirt.
  • Waiter Last call, Forty, I don’t have all night! Paging a fat, black guy in a Chelsea shirt. Chelsea! You’re kidding, aren’t you! Abramovich – all mouth and millions! BEAT) Do you know how many calories .. in this stuff? Should you be eating this? Too bad, Fatty – Back it goes!
  • PAUSE
  • Waiter Forty-one! Forty-one! End